‘Come back,’ I cried as the echo of thudding hooves and clanging metal faded into the distance, the white of his horse blurring into the horizon. He was gone. The words formed in my mouth. ‘There are no knights on white horses anymore.’
I’ll admit I am waiting, waiting for my knight in shining armour! Sometimes I get tired of waiting.
In the meantime I’m working on what I can control, me!
Whilst waiting you can:
- Heal from the wounds of your past (Blog: Dealing with grief )
- Practice Forgiveness (Blog: Forgiveness)
- Know who you are (Blogs: 5 steps to adapt to being single again, 10 steps for rebuilding shattered self-esteem)
- Uncover any problems in how you relate (Blogs: What to do when you are stuck with trusting again, What’s your pattern in relating, Looking in the mirror)
Lastly you can work through what you want from a relationship. (This may seem clinical as you end with a list, but women have expressed that it has helped them to not jump into ultimately unhealthy relationships or settle, and instead hold to a character standard of what is important to them.)
Create a dating checklist
Once you know who you are and what you like, spend time thinking about what you really want in a relationship. My list is now very different from what mattered to me in my early twenties. Some considerations are:
- Has the relationship grown from friendship? This one thing may be the best basis for a lasting relationship because you know the person before the ‘love chemicals’ kick in which can blind you to aspects of the person’s character.
- Define your own criteria for the kind of person you want to share your life with. This may include their character traits, how they treat others, and their attitudes, beliefs and values. This is your list of what is acceptable to you and what you cannot tolerate. Decide what is negotiable on the list.
- Share your dreams with the person you are dating. Are you heading in the same direction?
Create accountability for when you are blinded by ‘love chemicals’. Have some trusted friends who are prepared to speak the truth to you and can help by being your counsel on any future relationship. Give them permission to speak truthfully, even when they know it will hurt you. Tell them of any special areas to look out for. For me it is not conforming to what the person I’m dating wants, forfeiting myself in the process. I had asked a couple of friends to do this and after a first date they went into action. Although I was a bit miffed because I really liked the person, the danger signs were obvious to my friends. Now I am glad I gave them permission to speak.
It is hard once you get to the point of thinking you are healed enough to date, to wait for someone to appear in your life. I found I would check out men’s ring fingers for a tell-tale wedding ring, read the personal ads and generally fantasise about how to meet someone.
Waiting and being prepared to stick to my checklist and criteria I find difficult. Sometimes I feel like dropping my standards because any relationship would be better than having to wait.
Putting legs on it
Create a checklist of
- What you would like in a relationship, your dreams and where you are heading?
- What characters traits do you want in a person?
- What are your boundaries?
What things on the list are important and what is not-negotiable? What would you compromise on?
e.g. you might give up your retirement plan to travel Australia in a caravan if the person had the character you wanted but their idea of retirement is volunteering overseas in a third world country.
He said, She said Columns series : He Said-She Said is a biweekly advice column for singles featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. HE is … Cliff Young, a Crosswalk.com contributing writer and a veteran single of many decades. He has travelled the world in search of fresh experiences, serving opportunities, and the perfect woman (for him) and has found that his investments in God, career and youth ministry have paid off in priceless dividends. SHE is … Kris Swiatocho, the President and Director of TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries and FromHisHands.com Ministries. Kris has served in ministry in various capacities for the last 25 years. An accomplished trainer and mentor, Kris has a heart to reach and grow leaders so they will in turn reach and grow others. She is also the author of four books.
Pray for a mate – if you live in Adelaide South Australia and are interested in a group please contact me email@example.com
Love chemicals BBC: http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/hottopics/love/
Amazing brain: http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm
Photo Credit: Matthew Henry unsplash.com