Becoming single again may not have been the choice you would have preferred, but it is a fact of life once a relationship has ended. It is more than potentially altering your title from Mrs. to Ms., or the effort of changing your name. It is a shift in language from saying ‘we’ to ‘me’; ‘ours’ to ‘my’ but more importantly it is a change in identity.
You are now just as single as you were before you entered a relationship and formed a partnership, however you are not the same person who entered the relationship, as the relationship will have transformed you and its end will leave its mark on you. You may have different responsibilities such as being a single parent and financial obligations. After a decade of being together with someone I wrestled with the concept of being single again and having no idea how to think, feel or act. Who was I?
Singleness is an opportunity for personal growth. It is a chance to develop an identity that is not built on what someone else thinks of you. For ideas on how to flourish as a single again person click here to download Successfully single chapter from New Life in the Mourning book
How to be successfully single
- Accept you are single. This takes some courage to do.
- Look for some of the positives to being single. When brainstorming this with groups in the new Life in the Mourning course, it is surprising how long the list of positives is. Remind yourself of these to help re-frame difficult situations. For example when feeling lonely in your bed at night, be grateful to have the whole quilt to yourself and no snoring to disturb you.
What are some of the positives of being single for you?
- Let go of your old relationship
- Develop new friends and connect in community
- Engage in personal growth. This is a chance to develop an identity which is not built on what someone else thinks of you.
Check out the following blogs
- 5 steps to adapt to being single again
- 5 steps to change loneliness from a burden to a bonus
- 3 ways to enjoy Christmas a single again person
Need to find balance and practice self-care?
As a single again person, it’s easy to become busy. Busy can stop you feeling your pain and can make you feel good about yourself as you ‘do’ things’, which can be positive. However, busy has a large to potential to mask what you need to deal with which can be a hidden driver for developing burnout, especially if you are caring for others in your work/family/ministry.
Check out ‘Restoring Balance’ on-line course